当你热心的介绍自己的两位好友认识，以为自己朋友圈的半径要扩大的时候，却发现他们成了更好的朋友，将你冷落在一旁！那么，要怎么做才能“夺回”渐行渐远的友谊呢？

Friend in the middle
谁偷了我的朋友？

You introduce two of your good friends to each other in hopes that they, too, can become good friends. But when they start to bond in an unexpected way and hang out without you, might you regret introducing them to each other in the first place?
你介绍自己的两个好友相互认识，希望他们也能成为好朋友。但有一天，你却发现他们的关系好到会忽略你单独，你会不会后悔当初介绍她们认识？

Andrea Lavinthal, co-writer of the best-selling book Friend or Frenemy?: A Guide to the Friends You Need and the Ones You Don’t, told The New York Times in a recent interview: “Most girls won’t admit this, but they’d rather you hit on their significant other than their best friend.” Another writer of the book is Jessica Rozler.
安德莉亚•拉雯瑟和杰西卡•罗丝勒合著的《朋友或友敌：如何找到你需要的朋友》一书极为畅销。近日，拉雯瑟在接受《纽约时报》采访时表示，“虽然很多女孩儿不愿承认这一点，但是她们宁可你认识她重要的朋友，也不愿把最好的朋友介绍给你认识。”

Lavinthal said she once introduced two friends to each other over brunch. A few weeks later, she stumbled onto the two women having dinner together in a restaurant, and learned they’d been spending quite a bit of time together.
拉雯瑟说，她曾在一次早午饭上介绍自己的两位好友认识，几周之后，她在一家餐馆撞见这两位闺蜜，才得知她们常常在一起（完全忽略了她）。

“There they were in the restaurant, loving each other, probably talking about how I’m not funny enough or smart enough,” she said. “What do you say? Are you going to insist that whenever they hang out, you be there? That’s weird. Are you going to bring it up and be bereft? That’s an interaction so hard for girls.”
拉雯瑟说，“她们一起在餐馆，相谈甚欢，也许还在一起说我如何无趣、不够聪明。如果是你，你会怎么做？坚持她们出来逛就要带上你？这要求也太奇葩了吧！或是任其发展，直到自己失去友谊？这些对于女孩儿来说实在太虐心了。”

Feeling froggy
跳背游戏：谁偷了我的朋友

What Americans call “friend stealing” is “leapfrogging” in Britain. But perhaps there’s no need for us to make a fuss about being leapfrogged. Ronald Sharp is a professor of English at Vassar College, US, who co-edited The Norton Book of Friendship with Eudora Welty. Sharp said: “The anxiety about social poaching stems from an inappropriate or distorted view of what friendship is. It views friendship as a zero-sum game, or as an attempt to maximize your resources. It converts the natural generosity of friendship into a kind of investment.”
对于“越过共同的朋友单独联系”这种情况，美国人称之为“偷朋友”，而英国人则叫它“跳背游戏”。不过，也许我们并不用对此太过小题大做。美国瓦萨学院的英语教授罗纳德•沙普曾与尤多拉•韦尔蒂合著了《友谊的诺顿之书》，沙普教授认为，“这种对于社交领域‘挖墙脚’的担忧其实是由于不恰当或扭曲的友谊观所致。它将友谊视为一种‘你死我活’的零和游戏，或企图通过友谊来最大程度丰富人脉。这些观念都让本身慷慨无私的友情变成了一种（自私的）投资。”

Sharp added, “If you can’t trust your friend to have a relationship with another person you consider a friend, it’s a clear symptom of a problem in your friendships.”
沙普教授还补充道，“如果你连介绍另一个人给自己的好友都不放心，显然你们的友谊存在问题。”

So how do you deal with being leapfrogged? Sharp said: “Part of the burden is on the friendmaker to assure the insecure friend that everything is OK. But part of the burden should also be on the original friend not to be anxious about it.”
那么，要如何应对“朋友跳过自己单独联系”的情况？沙普认为，“获得介绍、成为朋友的一方有责任安抚没有安全感的那个朋友。但另一方面，作为朋友们的介绍人，你也应该放宽心。”

Take it easy and be patient. In Lavinthal’s case, patience paid off. She said of the two women whom she had introduced to each other: “They became better and better friends. It was weird for a while. But then somehow, organically, I got brought back into the fold. Their friendship cooled off a little bit, and we all found our way back.”
别焦虑，要有耐心！从拉雯瑟的例子中就可以看出耐心的意义。她说：“看着那两个经自己介绍而认识的朋友关系日益亲密，自己确实有一段时间心里不舒服，但是，渐渐地我又开始融入她们之中，随着她们友谊恢复平静，我们似乎又回到了从前的样子。”

She added: “I feel like I’m the hot item again. They need me now. They need me to get back to the root of why they’re friends.”
拉雯瑟还说，“我发现自己又成了‘香饽饽’，她们现在都需要我，因为我才是她们友谊的源头。”