the emotional pain that heartbreak evokes is excruciating. Nothing else matters, no one else matters. We can barely function, think, or move. We feel removed from everyone and alone in a haze of unreality, trapped in our shattered world. All we can see is the person who broke our heart, and all we can feel is terrible pain.

令人心碎的情感痛苦让人苦恼不已。没有别的事重要，没有别人重要。我们几乎不能正常工作，几乎不能思考，几乎不能改变。我们感到被人抛弃了，然后在地狱般朦胧虚幻中孤独，被困在破碎的世界里。我们都知道伤我们的心的人，我们都会感到可怕的痛苦。

What we want most is for the pain to ease, to stop hurting so badly — but that is not what our mind wants.

世界上让我们最想要的东西是为了减轻痛苦，停止如此严重的伤害。但是这不是我们的思想想要的东西。

When our heart is broken, our mind has a very different agenda than we do. As a result, it ends up deceiving us and making things worse. If we want to stop hurting and move on, we need to know when NOT to trust what our mind tells us.

当我们心碎时，我们的思想和我们的议程有很大的不同。结果是，它还是欺骗了我们，让事情变得更糟糕了。如果我们想知道停止伤害，继续前进，我们需要什么时候不再去相信我们的思想所告诉我们的东西。

Why We Cannot Trust Our Mind When We Have a Broken Heart

当我们心碎的时候, 为什么我们不能相信自己的思想.

To stop hurting, we need to accept the reality of the breakup and make efforts to move on. We need to reduce the amount of time we spend thinking about the person who broke our heart. We need to diminish their presence in our thoughts and our lives, slowly but surely.

为了停止伤害，我们需要接受破碎的现实，然后努力继续前进。我们需要减少时间，花在令我们心碎的人所用的时间。我们慢慢地但坚定地减少他们在我们的思想和生活中的存在。

Our mind wants to do the opposite. Our mind wants us to think about the person all the time, to hold on to the pain and never forget who and what caused it. Our mind wants this, because it is trying to "protect" us in the manner in which it typically does. If something causes us pain, like a hot stove, our mind’s job is to remind us not to touch that hot stove again, to make sure we remember how painful it was the first time. The more painful the experience, the more our mind will labor to make sure we don’t forget it, so we never make that "mistake" again. Given how excruciating heartbreak is, our mind will do everything it can to keep that pain fresh in our thoughts. As a result, our mind will trick us into thinking that ...:

我们的大脑做相反的事。思想想让我们一直想着那个人，把持住痛苦，然后永远不要忘记谁和什么原因所造成的。它需求这个时，因为以它通常的方式去尽力“保护我们”。如果某事引起我们的痛苦，如热风炉。我们的大脑提醒我们不要再触碰那个热风炉，为了确保我们记得第一次接触炉子时有多痛苦。一次经历越痛苦，我们的大脑越努力确保我们不会忘记它，因此我们不会再犯那样的错误。考虑到心碎是多么痛苦的，我们的大脑会做一切的事，它会在我们的脑海我们的痛苦那么新鲜。结果是我们的大脑会哄骗我们思考：

1. Our ex was the best, the one, the only one.

1.我们前任是最好的，独一无二的。

Our mind will try to remind us of our ex’s best qualities. Images of them at their best will pop into our head unbidden. However, this unbalanced, unrealistic, and idealized portrayal of the person who broke our heart will only make the pain we feel worse.

我们的大脑会试图提醒我们前任的优点。他们最好的形象会不请自来地出现在我们的脑海里。然而, 这种不平衡的、不现实的、理想化的描述伤透了我们的心, 只会让我们感觉更糟糕。

2. The relationship made us happy all the time.

2.这段关系使我们一直快乐。

No, it didn’t; no relationship does. There were plenty of frustrating, annoying, or hurtful moments, and we should recall those as well.

不是，它没有任何关系。这也会有很多的沮丧，愤怒或是伤心的时刻。我们应该也记得这些。

3. If we just text them or contact them, we will feel better.

3.如果我们只是发短信或者联系他们, 我们会感觉更好。

The urge to text, message, call, or email will be very strong. But doing those things will only make us feel more desperate and needy, and hurt our self-esteem.

发短信、留言、打电话或发电子邮件的冲动将会非常强烈。但是做这些事情只会让我们感到更加绝望和贫穷, 伤害我们的自尊心。

4. Talking about the breakup with all our friends will ease our pain.

4.和我们所有的朋友谈论分手会减轻我们的痛苦。

No, it won’t. Talking about emotionally painful events is natural — even useful, if we do it in a problem-solving way, or if we do it to get emotional validation. But just going over the same details again and again will only make us feel worse.

不, 不会的。谈论情感上痛苦的事情是很自然的, 甚至是有用的, 如果我们用解决问题的方式, 或者我们这样做是为了获得情感上的认可。但是一次又一次地重复同样的细节只会让我们感觉更糟。

5. We have to know exactly why the breakup occurred.

5.我们必须明确地知道为什么会发生分手。

Having a clear understanding of why a breakup occurred is actually useful. However, few of us ever get a clear and honest explanation for such things. Trying to get into our ex’s head to understand why things didn’t work out is a rabbit hole. Better to settle on "they weren’t in love enough" or "we were not the right match."

对分手的原因有一个清晰的理解实际上是有用的。然而, 我们当中很少有人能够对这些事情做出清楚和诚实的解释。试图进入我们前任的脑袋里去理解为什么事情没有解决是一个兔子洞。还不如说"他们不够相爱"或者"我们不合适"