5 Things Worth Admitting To

By Anne-Marie O’Neill

In this era of TMI tweets and status updates, we often offer up the most trivial of personal details while keeping the important stuff to ourselves. Here, five experts weigh in on what’s really worth sharing.


You Don’t Have All the Answers

By and large, people don’t like to live in the realm of “not knowing.” It’s terrifying. Which is why everybody wants to have all the answers. Atheists think science has the answers. Religious fundamentalists believe their particular theology does. But “not knowing” is a richer and more gratifying place to be. I have no idea what’s going to happen to me, why the universe is the way it is, or what will happen to my life force once my body stops working. You probably don’t, either. So just breathe and live in the great, beautiful mystery. And floss regularly.

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You Spent a Small Fortune on Yourself

Even in this day and age, many people still don’t level with their spouses about how much they paid for some coveted service or item, like a salon treatment or a fancy new grill. Indeed, it can be difficult to own up to, say, a $70 haircut at a chic salon when your husband shells out just $22 at the barber. But keeping money secrets in a relationship creates bigger conflicts down the road. Sure, in this economy, sharing such information may lead to a discussion about cutting back. But your partner will also get a better understanding of what you value most— and those conversations will ultimately bring the two of you closer.

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Your House Is Usually a Disaster Area

The next time you entertain, don’t pretend that your place always looks perfect. It’s as annoying as a stick-thin model saying she eats like a horse. If someone compliments your home, be honest and say, “I’ve spent the last two days cleaning up. You have no idea what was behind this sideboard.” It’s impossible to keep it together at all times. Wouldn’t you rather be friends with someone who owns up to her imperfections? I know I would.


You’re Tired of Hearing About It

Life is too short to listen to people talk about the same problems over and over again. I have a friend who is often in victim mode. If she calls me to rant at the end of a long day, I’ll say to her, “I love you, but I can listen for only three minutes and then I have to go.” I’m not cruel. I’ll say it in a lighthearted way. That helps soften the blow. Friends have to be honest with each other to have emotionally healthy relationships. Otherwise we would all be screening every call, and that’s not how I want to live.

Everything

Be frank about your age, your sexual orientation, your criminal record (if you have one), your tattoos, your scars, and your prescriptions. Admit to your bad moods, your neuroses, your fantasies, and your fears and it will be so cathartic you won’t need therapy. Better still, you’ll be able to gossip without hypocrisy. I am candid about myself in my column, and that frees me to investigate the private lives of public figures. The same applies to everyday gossiping: No one can fault you for talking about others’ indiscretions if you’re the first to reveal those things about yourself.

五件值得承认的事情

Annuska/译

在一个随时上推特和更新个人状态的时代，我们经常发布个人生活中鸡毛蒜皮的琐事，但保留真正要紧的。以下是五位专家认为真正值得分享的事情。

你并非知道所有答案

总体来说，人们不喜欢“不知道”的状态。这感觉可怕。所以，每个人都要知道所有答案。无神论者认为科学有答案。宗教原教旨主义者认为其特殊的神学可以提供答案。但“不知道”让人的生活更加丰富多彩，更加令人愉悦。我不知道自己将来会发生什么事情；为什么宇宙会以这种方式存在；还有，如果我的身体停止工作后，我的生命力会如何变化。你可能也不知道。那么，就好好呼吸吧，好好活在这个伟大的、美丽的谜团中吧。然后，再三天两头梳理一下。


你给自己花了一小笔钱

即使如今这世道，对一些奢侈的享受或者物品，还有很多人没对配偶报实账，如纤体保养或一台新款的烧烤炉。实际上，的确很难坦白说，比如你花了70美元去一家美发沙龙做头发，而你老公在理发店只花了22美元。但夫妻之间对金钱保密，随着时间的推移，会引起更大的冲突。当然，如今这样的经济形势下，分享这些事情可能就会讨论到减少开支。但伴侣也会更了解你最看重的事情——而且，这类沟通最终会让你们二人走得更近。


你家里通常乱七八糟

下次聚会时，别装作你家里一直这么完美。就象一个瘦得跟竹竿似的模特，说她的食量大得象匹马，这很令人恼火。假如有人恭维你家，你就老老实实地说：“我花了两天洗洗刷刷。你根本想象不到柜子里有多乱。”不可能一直保持井井有条。难道你不愿意和一个坦承自己不完美的人交朋友吗？我想我是愿意的。


你真的听烦了

人生苦短，真不该老听别人重复抱怨同样的问题。我有一个经常陷入受害者心态的朋友。如果漫长的一天结束时，她找我抱怨，我就告诉她：“我爱你，但我只能听三分钟，然后，我得走了。”我不是冷酷。我会用一种轻快的方式说这话。这样就温和多了。朋友间要诚实，这样友谊才能健康。否则，每次来访，我们都揣着面具，我可不想要这样的生活。


每件事

要坦率：年龄、性取向、犯罪记录（如果有一个）、纹身、疤痕、秘方。承认坏脾气、承认神经官能症、胡思乱想、害怕恐惧，这样真是太痛快了，你就没必要治疗了。更棒的是，你不用戴着假面具来八卦。在自己的专栏里，我很坦率的，这样就给了我自由，让我能审视那些公众人物的私生活了。这对日常八卦也适用：如果一开始，你就把自己给八卦一通，那么，就没人责怪你唧唧歪歪别人的诸多小毛病了。